he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
