Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
