Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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