true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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