If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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