I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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