Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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