just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
