Someone shit on the floor
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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