I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
