I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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