I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
