And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
