i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
