Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
