Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
