It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
