I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
