if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
