D3 body, D1 cock
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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