I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
