that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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