i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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