Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
