Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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