My friends, they love my intelligence
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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