I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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