Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
