Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
