The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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