I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
