Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
