he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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