So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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