so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
