She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
