Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
