this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
