Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
