dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
