he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
