Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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