Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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