whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
