i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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