Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
