So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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