Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
