I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
