I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
