We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize