So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
