I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
