I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
