i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
