Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
