Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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