Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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