Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize