Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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