maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
