singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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