So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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