go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
