This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
