stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
