Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need help removing her.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
