just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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