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I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
