Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
