Ambien. No doubt about it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
