You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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