This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives