So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
handjob tips. give me some.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.