and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.