The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day