You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
