you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...