I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
