just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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