i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Randomize
