were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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