Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.