So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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