Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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