My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
