laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They have beer where we have blood.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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