do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
