I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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